Memories
by CloudxKadajLover
Summary: Cloud can't forget the memories of a silver haired teen....a sonfic I typed for a friend. Song is by Within Temptation. And now it has a second chapter! Rated T for shonen ai, CloudxKadaj mainly.
1. Chapter 1

The blonde swordsman sighed as he sat on his bed. It was late, and he should go to bed…but he didn't feel exactly tired.

Cloud somehow managed to make enough money to buy his own apartment. Despite what had happened a few months ago, he felt the need to be alone. Maybe because it was his nature………or maybe it was because he couldn't admit to anyone why he was distant. Why he felt guilty about the death of a silver haired teen………

Regardless of how hard the blonde tried to let Kadaj go, he couldn't for reasons he wasn't able to explain. The beautiful youth haunted him in his thoughts, his dreams…his memories…

_In this world you tried_

_Never leaving me alone behind_

Even after the remnant's death, the blue-eyed deliveryman found himself questioning what exactly Kadaj wanted when he was brought into this world. The most obvious answer would seem that he longed for his Mother………but was it truly what he wanted? Or what Sephiroth wanted? Did he perhaps want the love that only a mother could give? Or was it simply, he wanted to be loved? Being a puppet held by strings, he lacked the ability to be himself most of the time. No one ever acknowledged him as himself; most of the time he was thought of to be Sephiroth. Only Yazoo and Loz possibly knew who he really was………but then again, they were puppets too.

Cloud never mistook him for Sephiroth…was that why the rebel was always after him? It usually ended in a fight, but even though, the blonde recalled that moment back at the Shinra ruins. Kadaj had Jenova and was pleased about finally finding her. He tried making conversation with his brother- not threatening to hurt him, or trying to kill him. It could have been for the simple fact that Cloud was the only person who would listen to him. Not because he was a leader, carrying out the orders Jenova and Sephiroth hissed in his head- but just because the swordsman would acknowledge him as him, and make the cat-eyed youth feel he did have a place in this world after all.

_There's no other way  
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay_

No matter what his feelings were at that time, Cloud knew he'd have to rid of Kadaj and his brothers to put the world at peace again. There didn't seem a way to settle things but to fight. As the dying youth lay on his arm, looking up at him mournfully, the blonde realized he didn't want him to die. He was too young and didn't even know what life was- he wanted to save him, to care for him, no matter what it took…but Kadaj was slipping away quickly and he knew he couldn't.

_The memories ease the pain inside  
Now I know why_

Thinking of the teen sometimes made it feel as though he wasn't so far away after all. While the memories brought him regret and sadness…they brought him peace at the same time.

_All of my memories  
Keep you near  
In silent moments  
Imagine you'd be here_

There wasn't a quiet moment where the beautiful youth didn't cross Cloud's mind. He was like a bad nightmare you had a hard time forgetting. To the morose man, however, thinking of Kadaj kept him close to his heart. He probably would never see him again until he died, which wouldn't be for quite awhile. But he was willing to wait- the only reason he probably didn't give up on life was because of Tifa and the kids. They were the most important to him and always would be.

_All of my memories  
Keep you near  
The silent whispers, silent tears_

He would lay on his bed sometimes, just reminiscing over everything that happened that short awhile ago. The blonde would fall asleep sometimes and not even realize it. There were times he swore he heard the youth's voice whispering in his head, things he wasn't able to comprehend. He even thought a few times he heard that voice right next to his ear, but awoke to see nothing but the bright moonlight that streamed through his window. Figuring it was a dream, he'd turn over and go back to sleep, but there were a few spare moments where Cloud felt tears in his eyes.

_Made me promise I'd try_

_To find my way back in this life_

He told himself it was better that Kadaj died and went off to the Lifestream. He would find peace there, and live his afterlife happily. He wasn't meant to stay in this world, or else Aeris wouldn't have taken him. Thinking this helped the quiet man maintain his life and live comfortably…for the most part.

_I hope there is a way  
To give me a sign you're okay_

Cloud wasn't able to connect with the Lifestream since Kadaj died, but something told him Aeris was probably taking care of him. Hopefully she was giving him the love that he was unable to give to the remnant himself.

_Reminds me again  
It's worth it all  
So I can go home_

Then again, Aeris would probably do a pretty good job of being the mother Kadaj longed for. She was naturally sweet and kind, and didn't seem to mind adopting full-grown children. Cloud wasn't exactly sure he would have had the time to care for the teen. However things were going in the Lifestream, they seemed fine since he hadn't had any contact from the flower girl.

Sighing, he threw himself back onto his bed, closing his eyes, as though trying to shut the world out. He opened them again and gasped lightly.

He was lying in a field of flowers, and everything else around him was white. What was he doing in the Lifestream so suddenly? He sat up and looked around curiously. Was this a dream perhaps? But he couldn't have fallen asleep that quickly…

A voice interrupted his thoughts and nearly made his heart stop.

"Niisan?"

Cloud spun around and he wanted to pinch himself, to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

There was Kadaj, nearly unrecognizable in a pair of jeans and a long sleeved white shirt. He wore a loose green T-shirt on top of that, and a pair of black sneakers. But it wasn't just his clothes that made him different- his eyes shone with happiness and he was smiling. He was always beautiful, but now it seemed even more evident.

"Is it really you?"

The blonde found control of himself again and stood up, surprised to see he was smiling at the teen.

"Yeah…"

Pearly white teeth flashed as the angelic teen grinned before rushing into the swordsman's arms, hugging him tightly. Cloud held Kadaj close to him as well, almost not daring to believe he was here with him.

"I've missed you. I tried to contact you before, but Mother said I should wait. That I should wait for you to settle down first."

Blue mako eyes twinkled as Cloud chuckled, pulling back slightly to look at the former puppet.

"Did she now?"

"Yeah…so finally today she let me."

"So you triggered this?"

Kadaj nodded, still smiling.

"I wanted to see you again…even if it was for a little while."

The spiky-haired solider gently caressed the teen's face almost absently as he looked into his cat-like eyes. They were such a beautiful mixture of green and blue that it was hard to tear away from them.

"I've missed you too."

The youth smiled again, and Cloud noted how much it brightened his face. He was so close…

Without thought, he gently lifted the teens' head and leaned down to kiss him softly. Kadaj's eyes widened in surprise from such an intimate gesture, but it felt nice, so he closed his eyes and gently kissed his niisan back. They stayed like this for a moment, sharing slow gentle kisses, until the silver-haired youth embraced Cloud too tightly, causing him to fall backward. Kadaj landed softly on top of him, giggling a bit.

"Sorry, Niisan."

"It's okay."

A part of the swordsman felt fulfilled, after being empty for months. He smiled at the teen, playfully running his fingers through the silky silver strands.

"Kadaj……I love you."

It took saying this out loud for Cloud to realize he really did love the teen. Even if he barely knew him, his feelings were undeniable.

The remnant smiled again, only a bit wider.

"I love you too, Niisan. But you can't stay yet. You'll see me again one day. I promise."

Kadaj leaned down to kiss the blonde for the last time before pulling himself up. He looked a bit mournful, but the smile stayed on his face.

"Goodbye, Niisan."

The Lifestream faded away, Kadaj along with it, and Cloud found himself on his bed in the same position. He sat up, but surprisingly, didn't feel sad. He felt content.

_Together in all these memories  
I see your smile  
All the memories I hold dear  
Darling you know I love you till the end of time_

Now that he knew Kadaj was okay…….he'd be okay too.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you everyone for your reviews, they mean a lot!!! Anyway, I typed this up shortly after typing 'Memories' but didn't have the guts to put it up because it has a bit of KadajxZackness, but now that I've read 'Feels Like Heaven', I'd figure I'd put this up. It's STILL CloudxKadaj, just slight ZackxKadajness because I couldn't resist. Also CloudxZackness. I might as well just make them a threesome!! XD lol, hope you all enjoy!!

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Tears threatened to fall from turquoise eyes, now that the teen who possessed them knew he wouldn't see his love for a very long time. He didn't want to cry in front of his Niisan, and he shouldn't be so sad…the blonde was content now. So why wasn't he?

Kadaj blinked and a tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped it away, but another one fell…and another…

The teen broke into quiet tears, not being able to control himself. There was still a lot about love that the remnant didn't know….it felt wonderful, but then it sometimes broke you inside. It was so confusing…

He felt someone stroke his hair, and tensed slightly, stopping his tears.

"I know it'll be hard to let him go, but you'll get used to it eventually."

Wiping his face, the teen turned to look up into bright blue mako eyes, almost identical to Cloud's. He looked very much like the blonde, save for the long, spiky black hair he possessed, and the SOILDER uniform. He had a gentle, friendly face and there was no denying his beauty.

"You know Niisan? I mean, Cloud?"

The tall man chuckled.

"Old habits die hard huh? Yeah, I know him. We were best friends once…...well a little more than that, but I won't go into detail."

He settled next to Kadaj, smirking slightly.

"You mean he was your boyfriend?"

"Yeah. Don't worry though; I know he's yours now."

The deceased SOILDER smiled at the beautiful youth, and the remnant figured he could trust him.

"Who are you anyway?"

"I'm Zack. Your Kadaj right?"

"How do you know?!"

"Ae- I mean, your mother told me."

"Oh…you know her too?"

"Yup. We were friends…..well still are really."

The young swordsman surveyed Zack curiously. He knew both Niisan _and_ Mother? Why hadn't he heard of him before?

"So then…..you know about me?"

"Pretty much. Quite interesting life story you got there."

Kadaj nearly rolled his eyes.

"Oh please."

Zack laughed and smiled at the teen.

"I'm kidding! Just kidding….Anyway, I should introduce myself- I'm Zack Fair, was a First-Class SOILDER-"

"I know that. I can tell from your clothes."

The black-haired swordsman blinked at the teen, who smirked at him.

"Tell me things I don't know. Like how you got here."

Zack sighed as he leaned backwards on his arms.

"That's a long story…..."

"I'm willing to listen."

The owner of the Buster Sword smiled at Kadaj again.

"Well, alrighty then."

With that said, Zack re-told the story of his death to the teen, who was left speechless afterwards.

"…that's horrible. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I've gotten over it."

"I guess that's why Niisan's so depressed….he had a rough life didn't he?"

"Yeah...he's been through a lot, but he's recovering. I'm sure if you visit him every few months he'll be fine."

"I can't…."

"Why?"

"Mother says I won't be able to leave the Lifestream very often and that I'll interfere with Niisan's life if I visit him too much."

"Ah…yeah she has a point.

"How so?"

Zack smirked at Kadaj, whose face had turned into slight pout.

"Because the fact is you died. And Cloud won't be able to accept that if you visit him every so often. You both live in two different worlds, and he has to learn to deal with the one he's living in. Got it?"

The teen sighed.

"Yeah…"

He still wasn't satisfied, and the tearful look he had when he first looked at Zack returned. The former SOILDER scooted closer to him, hoping to cheer him up.

"Look, I know how you feel…."

"No you don't."

Tears threatened to fall from those cat eyes once again.

"Yes I do. I loved Cloud too. And sometimes I think I still do."

The former puppet looked at the young man.

"And I know it hurts a lot because it feels like you'll never see him again, right? You feel as though you can't wait 60 or so years for him to finally come. And then you wonder if he'll ever forget about you, or maybe find someone else…"

Zack felt accomplished as he saw he had Kadaj's attention. His eyes were widened slightly, as though in disbelief.

"But if I know one thing about Spikes, he never forgets anyone he cares about. Ever. I thought he'd always love me….but even if he doesn't love me like he used to, I know he still cares about me. He loves you….and I think he always will."

"What makes you say that? Who's to say he won't run into someone else?"

"Because there's still a lot he doesn't know about you. He wouldn't be able to just drop you, because then he'd feel guilty he never got to really know you. And even if that wasn't the case…there's just something about you two that's unbreakable."

The teen blinked and thought for a moment. Maybe Zack was right….he always had the deliveryman on his mind and something told him Cloud was always thinking about him too.

"I gotta give him credit though…you're something else."

Now that he was closer to the teen, he noticed how perfect he was in every way and couldn't help but comment on it.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're beautiful."

Zack smirked as he watched Kadaj blush slightly at the comment and stare at him. He ducked his head so his hair would fall in his face, hiding it.

"…thank you."

He sounded flustered, and the older swordsman opted to tease him more. He moved the hair covering the teen's ear out of the way and nibbled on it gently. He felt the youth tense up.

"Zack, what are you doing?"

"Teasing you…"

He lifted Kadaj's head, exposing his red face. He was pretty close at this point…...close enough to…

The flirtatious man leaned forward, as though to kiss the teen, who retreated backwards quickly.

"_Zack_!"

The teasing man laughed, grinning at the still blushing teen.

"I was just kidding. I wasn't really going to kiss you."

"Oh really?!"

"Yeah, just teasing. You're too cute to leave alone completely."

He smirked again and the embarassed youth narrowed his eyes at him. Zack moved closer to the teen again, who moved back.

"I'm not going to kiss you, I just want to hug you is all."

"Why?"

"To make you feel better."

The silver haired youth blinked, and after thinking for a few moments if Zack was trustworthy, he moved back closer to him. Those strong arms pulled him into an embrace, and it felt as though Cloud were hugging him instead. It was enough to make Kadaj teary again, but he held the tears back, and returned the hug, only tighter. He felt comfortable in older swordsman's arms.

The SOILDER pulled away a bit to kiss the teen on the forehead.

"Is that okay?"

Kadaj nodded.

"How about this?"

He kissed him on the cheek, and the beautiful youth smiled slightly. Zack took that as an approval.

"Or this?"

He purposely placed his lips on top of the teen's whose eyes widened in shock. He wasn't expecting the sharp slap he received seconds later.

"…you liar."

Oblivious to the fact he had just been slapped and was being glared at, Zack laughed again, rubbing his cheek.

"I'm sorry, couldn't help it. You know, you're a lot like Cloud. Probably why you two get along so well."

"And why you kissed me?"

"Yeah, probably. But I swear I'll never lay on my lips on you again. For the sake of Cloud."

The teen looked at Zack questionably.

"Oh, alright. Hey Zack…"

"Yeah?"

"Could you…well…stay with me? I'd like to know more about Niisan."

"Sure, not like I got anything else to do."

He got up from the flowers and pulled the teen on his feet.

"Thank you. Well, not just for that but for trying to cheer me up."

For the first time, Kadaj smiled at the ex-SOILDER. Zack smiled back at him. Maybe being in the Lifestream wouldn't be so boring after all…….

"No problem, Kadaj. Now let me take you home. Wouldn't want to worry mommy dearest now would we?"

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Hee Hee. Review plz:D 


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